| Negative Comment | To keep safe ... | My strength is ... | As a result of the abuse ... |
| "You're a trouble maker." | I need to defend myself against my partner's accusations. | I have my own opinions and ideas. | I'm made to feel responsible for his problems. |
| "Your expectations are too high." | I need to develop healthy boundaries and learn what it means to "not enable" abuse. | I am becoming more educated, through God's word, regarding his view of healthy relationships. | I have been weakened physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. |
| "You aren't submissive enough." | I need to focus on submitting to Jesus first. | I read the Bible and pray to God for discernment. | I have allowed my partner's toxic lifestyle (music, words, behaviors) to hurt my relationship with God. |
"You pay too much attention to your partner's feelings. You're too sensitive." |
I focus on my partner's moods to anticipate explosions. | I care about my partner. | I am unable to pay attention to my personal needs. |
| "You are too self-focused and wasting time with writing things down in journals - keeping a record of wrongs. You are stuck in the paralysis of analysis." | I write things down for the purpose of identifying patterns of behavior. | I care about truth vs. basing my conclusions on emotions alone. I know that God cares about truth as well. | I'm made to feel that I'm making things up. |